dear driver

dear driver,

Please put down the book before you kill someone.

We understand that a good read is hard to ignore, and that a commute might seem like a great opportunity for multi-tasking...but when from the vantage point of the passenger seat of our RAV, I glimpsed you through our passing windows, my mouth formed an astonished O.

You were in the driver's seat puffing away on your cigarette with your nose decidedly in your book...and you were letting your dog drive.

Dogs are smart, but I've seen them chase cars - and they really have no concept of the first law of driving physics which states: no two vehicles can occupy the same space at the same time.

I'm not terribly sure that they understand the second law of driving physics either, which states: go that way really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.

But, Mr. driver, with your cigarette and book - I'm honestly not sure who was the smarter occupant of your truck's driving seat: you or your dog.

Mr. Driver, my issue is this: when I am on the road with the most precious things on this good green earth to me (namely, my sweet husband, son, and baby on the way), I don't want to come across any of your shenanigans.

Because, Mr. Driver, if you kill me or any of mine, I will be EXTREMELY ANGRY WITH YOU.

I will come back and haunt you all the rest of your days, making it impossible for you to enjoy a good novel - or movie or country stroll or tooth brushing - ever again.

While driving:

Do not read.
Do not text.
Do not eat your BLT.
Do not rubberneck as you pass that cop/accident/funny billboard on the side of the road.
Do not even reach for that cell phone.

While driving: drive.

Why is this such an old-fashioned concept? It seems pretty obvious to me.

Best regards,



That Girl said...


That is all I have to say.

Grandpa Rusty said...

There is at least one other thing that is good not to do while driving: that is sleeping. My extensive research tells me that sleeping while operating a motor vehicle can result in terrible nightmares, which can rob the sleeper of much needed rest to restore intellectual prowess and enhance physical appearance. It can also result in annoying property damage to one's vehicle. Sometimes other vehicle operators get annoyed when you crash into them, and if one of them gets terribly annoyed, one may discover how easily one's face can be bruised, teeth knocked out, and facial bones shattered.
Just a thought.

~j. said...

(I am not making this up.)
Years ago I was driving my sister to the airport, and on the freeway somewhere between Orem and Lehi, we saw a kid driving with his legs crossed, his left ankle resting on the outside of his right thigh, in effect, steering using his left knee/shin. Could hardly blame him, though -- how else was he supposed to be able to play his guitar?