Because, lately...

You know that unsettled, looking-for-something feeling - the one where you're wandering from room to room trying to find it, only you don't remember what you're missing?

That's me. All the time. Only I suspect the thing I've lost is myself.

Yesterday, it rained. Wyatt and I sat on the front porch, watching the clouds grumble and the puddles pool. We rolled up our pant legs and danced along the cool sidewalk. I taught him how to watch out for worms. And when it started to really storm, we sat and ate popsicles and counted lightning.

I felt so light inside, I called Bill just to tell him.

Later, I realized that it was because for the first time in a long while, I felt like myself again.

I never wanted to go back inside, and I willed it to rain on me forever. But, eventually, a certain Monkeyfish began to request some lunch, and a certain hummingbird began to wake from her morning beauty rest.

I tell you what, these two. Delight incarnate.

I'm filled with eager wonder at the prospect of what my little Third will be like. How can a heart possibly take any more of this excruciating joy?

And as for the losing of Stepper; Ladies? Is this a pregnancy thing or what?


Ro Ro Riot said...

Maybe it's just a girl hormone thing in general because I'm definitely not pregnant and I just went through one of the WORST losing myself weeks in my whole life. I'm glad you found yourself again.

Nae said...

Maybe there's something in the air, because I recently lost myself too. I've been chalking it up to postpartum which counts for a girl hormone thing, right? Maybe it's because so much of me went into creating a beautiful little person. In any case I'm still in the process of finding all of me, but part of me is back for sure.