This Time

This time, I've discovered that each time you have a baby, no matter how many you've had before, you are a brand new parent learning the ropes.

This time, even though my care was excellent I went completely stir crazy in the hospital and just wanted to go home. After only one day of being there.

This time, Wyatt is having a much easier time with the new member of the family. In fact, he insists to anyone who looks at Henry for a bit too long that "Henry is MY baby, not yours!" where it took him a few days to willingly acknowledge Daphne's existence.

For some reason, this time I'm having a much harder time with the sleepless nights.

This time, I was on the other side of the breastfeeding struggle. It was still painful and a rocky road, but this time, I really loved it. I mean, I adored it! And made the heart-grueling decision to stop because this time I felt it was the less-selfish decision for my family. But that's another post.

This time, I can't stop stroking his dark hair, his darling sideburns, his fuzzy cheeks, the irresistible spot above his nose with my finger. This is different only because my first two babies were not covered so completely with that soft downy baby hair.

This time, I didn't step on the scale at all while I was pregnant. Didn't need that extra voice in my head. Best decision ever.

This time, I'm having postpartum cravings for chocolate. I hate chocolate.

This time, I get the biggest kick out of saying "my boys" and "sons" and "I would love to play cars with you, but first I need to change your brother".

This time, the labor was much more painful - but so much easier than the first two. But I wonder - if my first labor was nearly a day, and my second was twelve hours, my third six hours - does that mean my fourth (we're not talking about that right now) will be only three hours? Because YIKES!

This time, the momma bear in me is a far more fearsome creature.

This time, we're trying a different brand of bottle. Verdict is still out.

 This time, I have a personal vendetta against jaundice, diaper rash, and belly buttons that snag on EVERYTHING and refuse to heal.

This time, I have wept more for the beauty of my life than the despair of my inadequacy (though there have been tears for both).

This time, I have learned to be more accepting of my limitations and to be forgiving of my failures. This time, I'm learning to be proactively humble.

This time, I drive a van.

This time, I'm a full-time Mom.

This time, Bill seems more heroically helpful, Wyatt seems taller, more mature, the 'big brother' of the house, Daphne seems more independent. And I? I am so much more lucky.


Christina D said...

Ugh, with you on the hospital thing. I hate being stuck there all day long while my brain is telling me "I have to go home and be with my babies and do stuff!" and there is NOTHING to do in the hospital but watch TV and not be useful, though of course having the baby to yourself is fun for a bit. So boring though!

Jeff and Ari said...

How is it that EVERY post you write makes me reflect on life more ... want to hold that tiny Henry ... and make me want to be better mom?

Amazing as always!

sharon. said...

WOW! He looks so much like Wyatt. What a cutie.

Tristan said...

I agree, my sixth is just four months old and every single baby time has been a different experience! Soak up the snuggles, sleepless nighs don't last forever (though it feels like it).

Me said...

Some lovely thoughts- and a lovely read. Hoping that each day with your sweet little family continues to bring you something new and beautiful. xxx

craftyashley said...

If you would like my silicone bottles, they're up for grabs! Little Man weaned himself super early.

Nae said...

Your "this time" thoughts left me excited for my own "next time."

Lauren said...

Wow. He is absolutely beautiful (in a manly kind of way, of course). I love to read your blog because you have a gift. I wish we were still neighbors. Sigh. And congrats on being the amazing mother and writer that you are!

Kristine said...

He is so beautiful. I just want to snuggle him.

Tarynia Garrett said...

He is so precious!