Jell-O - A Tale in Three Parts

One time, I had on a very brand new dress and we were leaving the house for some extended family function and Mom asked me to grab the Jell-O. I spotted it in the fridge on the bottom shelf, so I crouch/squatted (dress style) and pulled it into my lap. It was in a stainless steel 13x9 with a lid - so I didn't see that it wasn't actually Jell-O quite yet, just red soup. You guessed it - big red gush right into my lap. And my new dress.

I burst into tears (I was in my young teenage years, not five, but I burst anyway), certain that I had ruined my new dress AND dinner, because our contribution was in my lap. I was sure my mother would be furious on both counts.

I've never seen her so calm and serene. She took the pan from me, helped me out of my dress, told me everything was fine in a way that allowed me to believe it completely, and disappeared. She came back ten minutes later with my new dress, stain free. 

I still have no idea how she did that. I'm pretty sure it was either magic or a miracle.


This other time as a young adult, I was asked to make the Jell-O. I did, and it was a thing of beauty. Fruit chunks and everything. I moved to put the pan into the fridge, caught my hip on the edge of the table (those things are always bigger than I think) and tumbled forward.

Again, you guessed it! Jell-O on the floor! This time, my parents were sitting on the couch in the family room, which is openly connected to the kitchen. They heard my gasp, but thinking quickly, I said, "Don't look over here!"

They looked anyway.


Another time (this time married with a kid) I decided to make Jell-O for dinner because we were having friends over, and I happened to know that the husband adored Jell-O. So I made it. And it never set. I guess I added a forbidden-to-Jell-O type of fruit that prevents the freaky chemistry that turns Jell-O from soup to gelatin from happening.

My friends were gracious about it, but when slopped onto the plate, it pretty much coated the underside of everything else on the plate with sticky-sweet orange.


So I guess the lesson in this is to keep Stepper away from Jell-O making.

Except all this talk of Jell-O has convinced me to make it for dinner tomorrow. So. I guess the really lesson is: You have been warned.