How to Slice a Grapefruit, a Pineapple, and an Apple and Still Have Time to Eat Them!

Mom and Dad came for Gyoza and Games the other night. I like to serve grapefruit with gyoza because A) it's a wonderful flavor contrast and B) grapefruit aids in digestion and helps keep the body from over-absorbing salt (as in, say, soy sauce!). Plus, grapefruit is just one of my favorites, ever.

"I love the grapefruit!" my Mom said, "what a treat!" And after enthusiastic murmurs of agreement circled the table, she added, "it must have taken you forever to slice and peel all this."

"No," I said. "I don't peel it, I cut it. And that makes getting all the bitter peel and skin off a lot easier and quicker."

"You'll have to show me," she said.

Well, it's not very often that my culinary-capable mother doesn't already know a trade-trick, so I couldn't help but feel a bit of misplaced flattery. And - this grapefruit trick really does make the fruit so much easier to manage - so I decided I'd share the trick with everyone.

And, while I'm at it, I thought I'd share how to cut a Pineapple (which has been known to intimidate my sister-in-law) and the easy way to slice apples without one of those pushy-downy apple-slicer thingies. Because the methods for all three are fairly similar (and can also be used on the illusive kiwi and the unruly watermelon!).

STEPPER'S QUICK AND EASY GET AT THE MEAT OF YOUR GRAPEFRUIT (WITHOUT THE BITTER PEELS OR SKINS) QUICKLY BECAUSE "AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT" METHOD:

Begin with a delicious and fragrant grapefruit that you may or may not have purchased from Costco or Macey's because they have the best ones. Give her a good scrub before you operate.

Cut off the top and the bottom (where the navel indents are) of the fruit. Try to cut just deep enough that you're past the skin beneath the peel, but not deep enough that you're cutting away too much of the meat.

Now you can stand the grapefruit up on one of the sliced edges, and she won't roll away from you. Now, too, you can see where the meat meets the skin/peel. Take your scalpel, and with a steady hand and much precision, slice along the membrane, separating the meat from the skin.

Like-a-dis!

See that beautiful exposed flesh? Are you blushing?
Do it some more.

TA DA! Your grapefruit is now not only freed from the rough and bumpy peel, but also from the bitter skin! Now you just have to free it from the skin that encases it from within. Slice her in half...

Now you'll be able to see very easily the meat of the fruit, and you can remove it from the skin. Use your fingers, and gently pull away the piece from the skin...

Then pull the skin away from the next piece...

Rinse and repeat. Here's your rewards from just one grapefruit:

Pretty sweet, right? And that took maybe half a minute, once you get into your groove.

NOW, ZE STRANGE LOOKING THICK-SKINNED LADY PINEAPPLE AND HOW TO GET AT HER WONDERFULLY SWEET AND TART HEART OF GOLD:

First you pick your lady. You want her to be fragrant when sniffed, have a slight give to her underbelly and leafy mane that surrenders easily when pulled. I have always loved Costco's pineapples - and you usually can't beat the price. Plus, they are usually PLUMP little vixens.

Give her a scrub in your sink.

Once she's ready, chop off her head.

Chop off the bottom, too. Now you can stand the pineapple up securely. Just as with the grapefruit, now you can see where the juicy flesh meets the tough skin. Slice down along that meeting place, separating the skin from the flesh.

Don't worry about it being perfect. Pineapples are nobby, and will leave behind pocked barbs as you slice away the skin. Just get the bulk of the skin off for now.

Then, when she's bare, you can groom her (using your knife to go over the outside, again, cutting away the remaining nobs and barbs).

Then cut her in half, lengthwise.

Lay each half down, and cut again. Now you have four wedges.

The core of the pineapple is tough, and unedible. Luckily, you now have easy access to it! When you stand a wedge up, you can see the white-ish core at the corner of the wedge. You can see where the white stops and the yellow begins - and can easily cut it off.

The cool part about is step - besides having just the deliciousness of the edible parts of the pineapple remaining - is that you now have a flat surface to set your 4 wedges on for easy slicing.

Slice them lengthwise first, getting at least 4 "lines" of pineapple out of each wedge. Then you can slice them horizontally, creating pineapple squares.

You've conquered the pineapple - now enjoy your spoils!

HOW TO SLICE AN APPLE WITHOUT ONE OF THOSE PUSHY-DOWN APPLE-SLICER THINGIES:

Choose your apple (points if it's a Fuji), wash your apple. Slice your apple in half.