A Planet Spinning

There's something I'm realizing more and more as the years go on, try as I do to fight it: The world is, in fact, a terrifying and uncertain place. It is, after all, a planet spinning through infinite darkness held fast by nothing more than the gravity of a very impressive star.

The sorrows! Tonight they seem like such a very heavy thing for one little world to have to bear. 

Tonight I am feeling some of that fatigue - but mostly I feel grateful. Grateful for the things I am sure about.

I am sure about the man I married. On this Tuesday night, especially, I am grateful for the fact that I am sure about him. That I get to be sure about us. That the idea of eternity brings me confidence and a sense of eagerness instead of worry or - heaven forbid - weariness. I am glad to know that when I've been dead for hundreds of years, that man of mine will still be making me laugh.

I'm grateful for spontaneous operetta performances in the kitchen while preparing dinner, and that I can be sure about the laughter of our appreciating children when we finish on an grand note and a harmony that is just enough off-key.

I'm grateful for how eager we are to see each other at the end of the day, sure that our stories will tumble over each other as Bill slides into the car after we pick him up from the train, and the kids are shouting "Dad! Dad! Guess what?!"

I'm grateful for the quiet moments - where we're listening to one of our favorite songs, or just thinking - sure of the moment his hand slides into mine.

I'm grateful for geeking out. That we both do it. That we both do it about different things (like cool words {me}, YA novels {me} and making music {me again} vs. typefaces {him}, Charles Dickens {him} and finding new music {him again}) - but that we also do it about a lot of the same things, like Battlestar Galactica, Firefly, Miyazaki, Pixar, homemade pizza and neat prints.

And my kids! I'm sure about them, too.

I'm grateful for Wyatt's insatiable curiosity, and I'm sure about the magnificence of his brain, which - he will tell you - is his very favorite thing about him, because it's where he thinks about stuff and learns about stuff - his two favorite things to do.

I'm grateful for Daphne's surprised and delighted grin whenever anything even remotely pleasing happens to her. I am sure about her deep, toes-to-the-trees laugh that rips through her so earnestly it leaves her shaking. THAT is a girl who knows how to find something funny.

I'm grateful for Henry's sweet and endless kisses, his funny way of saying things ("I more-more cracker Paka do?"), and his glorious, GLORIOUS curls. And I'm sure that he will give me an ample amount of all three, daily.

And I'm grateful for the things about myself that I am sure of. That I know how to make a meal. And do dishes. And laundry. That I prefer a clean house, so even though I fail at achieving one daily, I also fight the good fight daily - so the scale is never tipped too far toward dust-bunny doom.

...Grateful and sure that I love deeply my children and my husband, and that I have truly incredible people in my family.

So I'm grateful - as I spin through the darkness, trying to keep an eye on that star - that what I get to come home to at the end of the day are all the things I'm sure about.